I split with my partner after 11 years, i feel so lonely i just want a hug n 2b loved, do u no what i mean?

I used to be abit of a mad party girl before we began r relationship, we have 2 children that have to live with him now because of my depression. I was in care/childrens home) my dad ually abused me when i was 5, i told my mum and she left him. We had to live in hostels & womans refuge. H e used to beat my mum to. i kept running away ,was angry, took any drugs i could get my hands on (nothin stronger that speed, e,s, weed and prescribed drugs) i ended up in a secure unit for that and self harming and left at 17. Anyways im not very well & am in pain 24/7. I am getting medication for it but i feel so sad and lonely. I feel so insecure and vunrable, our 2 children have to live with him now because my mental health is effecting them, im a brill mum when im doing good but i cant control my depression and uesd to end up hiding in my room and letting my ex do most things. Social services have been involved with me since i was a kid so i trusted them because they were there when my mum wasnt. I hid that i was still cutting and believe me i try so hard to resist it, sometimes i think back to something i read on wiki Self Harm is a distraction from emotional pain, i never thought that before. I feel like ive lost everything, i dont have anybody here as all my family live a flight away. I hate going outside, i am mentally drained if i have to go to an appointment, mental health dr and hospitals! i have cellulitus and have been getting blood thinng injections until i have a scan for blood clots. I just want someone that understands the pain im in, my ex is fed up of taken me to drs and hospital, he has his own life and the kids to look after. I have to get mentally stable and weight of to increase the time i get with the kids. Thats another story. The pain is really getting me down as i love a clean fresh house but end up in agonie , i cant move and im sffraid of standing because i ache so much. Im so lonely, i miss loving and being loved, i miss haven someone to snuggle up to, i have been loosing weight really well but am still a fat ~~~~~~~. Its such a long story and im gettin sore from sittin here 4 so long..please anyone write back xx